The Minister gave to the people of Christchurch a magic button for each house. They were orange, red, white, real green and dirty green, real green was where you found peace and happiness for ever more.
As time passed, the Executive Quality Controller (EQC) turned orange buttons into dirty green or red, while the white turned to red or real green.
Then all the red buttons became real green and their owners moved on to a better life.
The dirtiest of the dirty green were the dirty blue with cracks in the bottom.
The Minister became dismayed that too many people had moved onto happiness and asked the EQC to slow down the progress of the dirty blue buttons with cracks.
The EQC said no worries; we have been doing that for almost two years. Just to please you Minister we will drill sample holes in the dirty blue. We will demonstrate that we are unable to assess what those holes mean and will drill some more. We will analyse those and work out how to repair the cracks but it will be a very complex process. When you tell us it is time to proceed, we will tell the insurance companies that they need to drill their own holes and we will offer them a pittance to remediate each button.
Minister, said the EQC, we have a problem we don’t know how to deal with and we’d like you to create a spin for us. Some dirty blue buttons have been drilled in many places by the insurance companies, who are brighter than us, they have analysed those holes. They ask that we let them proceed, but Minister, we are very afraid because to give in would pour concrete on our delaying strategy.
From an anonymous correspondent
